Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I Am Taking The Piss..

Many events that shaped Japan the country, and played a vital role in the lives of Japanese everywhere today, can be traced to cleanliness. The unisex bidet-toilet, city pavements not covered in litter, and the occupation of Japan by Allied forces (1945-1952)*, all find their roots in the elevated social value Japanese place on maintaining the self and surroundings as unsoiled and unsullied.

As an upshot Japan now has one of the most extensive networks of hot spring resorts in the world. If there are few countries that boast three liters of boiling hot sulphur-noxious per citizen, Japan is among them.

But in this land of immaculate gardens, unbleamished skin and provocative napes, one demographic has found itself an outcast. They are Japan's growing population of elderly and incontinent dogs.

The scene; a typical Japanese home, the family's aged pet dog Harry rises from his fermented squid dinner and waddles into the lounge. He lays a sloppy muzzle down onto his favorite cushion. Relaxing control over his bodily processes, a dark shadow of indignity slowly seeps it's way into the tatami mat beneath Harry's hindquarters.

This upsetting situation, faced by aging Alsations on a daily basis, has now been resolved by the invention of 'Puppy Pampers'. Adapted from the popular human design, each pair fastens securely around the haunch and tail, preventing embarrassing little accidents.

"A friendly alternative to killing the bitch"

'Puppy Pampers' are available for purchase in a wide range of styles.

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Six-pack of extra large puppy pampers.

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A golden retriever, modeling the 'golden retriever'.

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Sports model.

*Historians see the Imperial Forces' attack on Pearl Harbour as a direct response to the American Pacific Fleet's unmannerly docking exercises.

I am taking the piss to get a woman to sleep with me!

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