Saturday, July 16, 2005

I Watch Television Alone..

After countless afternoons and evenings of dedicated research, a truth of television has revealed itself to me. Events that make me laugh can be divided into two types. Being a scientist I got quite excited by this discovery. After a search for tissues, I booted up my computer and set about looking for free internet porn.

I was soon calm enough to write down the findings.

There exists; Natural Law Comedy and Social Contract Comedy.

Natural Law Comedy includes acts such as falling over, tripping up, choking on a pretzel, plunging down, tumbling through, running into unexpected objects, plummeting into, toppling, stumbling, keeling, pitching, slumping etc., etc. Social Contract Comedy occurs as an agreement as to what is funny within an exclusive group.

The first type of comedy is born from adults viewed as clumsy animals, unaccustomed to their environment. The second is based on rules defined in a mutually understood 'social contract', something like the rule of gayers being banned from drinking in singles bars.

I understand there are people laughing at events that fall outside these two groups. Those people are in fact engaging in a cruel form of social torment. To teach such people a lesson, my recommendation is the severring of both hands and a diet of spaghetti (the really long type). The site of the spaghetti-eating, handicapped criminal shall be decided as funny, and everyone can have a good chuckle at the delicious, bolognaise-flavoured irony of the sight.

I watch television comedy alone to get a woman to sleep with me!

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